as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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