In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
