No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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