I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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