First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize