She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
