what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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