Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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