woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
