Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
