Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
