Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
