I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize