The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
