I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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