I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize