But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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