dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your cock deserves a montage
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
