I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
