Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
