she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
