U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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