I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
