i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
