just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
