I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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