The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
