Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
