I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
