So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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