dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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