he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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