I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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