I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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