He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
