so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
