She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
