were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
