If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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