My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
