bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
