It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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