Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
