Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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