just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
