so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
