my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
