there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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