Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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