How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
