I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
