so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
