i just had sex bonerless
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize