and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize