She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
