He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
