Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
