got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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