you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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