My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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