Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
