M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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