ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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