It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
