I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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