I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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