Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
