Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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