yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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