I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
