Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
