Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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