What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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