Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My underwear smells like fireworks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
