I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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