so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
