We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
