I just saw a hot homeless man
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
