I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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