I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
