dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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