grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
