Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this just has baby written all over it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
