Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
