I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
