im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
zippers are such a cool invention
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
