and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
