So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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