You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
