All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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