She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
