Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
