didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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