how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
