Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize