I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
