$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
