I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
