did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
