It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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