He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
