Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
