You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
