So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
