I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
North Korea, Best Korea!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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