Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
