We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
