i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
