Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
