I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize