Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
