I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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