just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
