Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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