you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
