I just made out with a guy for $7.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
