What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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